Hey, Hay Julia

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Pretty woman, you are bizarre
Oh, Pretty woman, traveled so far
Ocean’s Eleven or Twelve
The Pelican could briefly
Find the Fireflies in the Garden
Up Notting Hill On Mother’s Day
I wonder how you Eat, Pray, Love
Through Love, Wedding, Marriage
My Stepmom loved trouble too
Seems she was Sleeping with the Enemy
Yet a closer Mirror, Mirror
Showed the Ant Bully to be a Money Monster
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Showed a Blood Red Normal Heart
Even the Flatliners had Something to Talk About
The Secret in Their Eyes
Was a Mona Lisa Smile
The Runaway Bride ate a Mystic Pizza
My landlord, Ben, is Back
That Satisfaction was a Grand Champion
Everyone Says I Love you – Even the Smurfs
Erin Brockovich was Hooked on Larry Crowne
The Secret in Their Eyes was Steel Magnolias
The Duplicity of Charlie Wilson’s War
Had me Dying Young in Charlette’s Web on Valentine’s Day
Three Days in September, a Mexican got a Full Frontal
But it’s only a Conspiracy Theory
Could have been August: Osage County
Michael Collins blamed Mary Reilly…Really?!
Samantha? An American Girl Holiday
But I KNOW they were just America’s Sweethearts
Ready to Wear each other out at My Best Friend’s Wedding!

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DAD’S POCKETWATCH MESSAGES

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From time to time, you’ll have to rewind
It’s YOUR turn to watch
I don’t want to watch anymore
It’s a digital world now, here you go
Time is precious
Don’t waste time
You have all the time in the world
Time is on your side
I don’t have time, but YOU do
Have the time of your life
You’ll be able to keep time with this
Decide what time it is
I gave you my time
Watch, Look, & Listen
Those with tics & talks don’t have time
Hickory Dickory, the MOUSE ran up and down (NOT the RAT)
We’re gonna rock around the clock tonight (Bill Hayley)
Feels like the first time (Foreigner)
Time (Alan Parson’s Project)
Tic Tock of the Clock is painful…All sane & logical…I want to rip it off the wall (Inside Out-Eve 6)
For the Good Times (Ray Price)
Did It In A Minute (Hall & Oates)
Time Passages (Al Stewart)
Time Stand Still (RUSH)
Time To Move On (Tom Petty)
Time Song (Kinks)
Clocks (Coldplay)
If You’ve Got the Money, Honey, I’ve got the Time (Hank Williams & Willie Nelson)
Minute by Minute (Doobie Brothers)
Golden Years (David Bowie)
Clock Strikes Ten (Cheap Trick)
Party All The Time (Eddie Murphy)
Always on Time (Ja Rule and Ashanti)
Year of the Cat (Al Stewart)
Tic Tok (Kei$ha)
2 A.M. Breathe (Anna Nalick)
What Are You Waiting For? (Gwen Stefani)
Time Warp (Rocky Horror Picture Show Cast)
As Time Goes By (Dooley Wilson)
Take Your Time (S.O.S. Band)
It’s Just a Matter of Time (Brook Benton)
3 AM (Matchbox 20)
3 O’Clock Blues (B.B. KING)
Time of the Season (Zombies)
Time is On My Side (Rolling Stones)
Time won’t give me time (Boy George)
Time will heal
If I could turn back time (Cher)
If I could put time in a bottle (Jim Croce)
Time after time (Cyndi Lauper)
Remember, time is money (Benjamin Franklin)
Now you’ll be able to give people the time of day
Too Much Time on my Hands (Styx)
Does anybody really know what time it is, Does anybody really care? (Chicago)
What time is it? 4:30 It’s not late, NO, NO! It’s just EARLY, EARLY, EARLY (Spin Doctors)
Wish I could stop, switch off the clock…Make it all happen for YOU-WHO-WHO, I’m Alive (Love & Rockets)
The two most powerful warriors are patience and time (Leo Tolstoy)
I’ve had the time of my Life (Dirty Dancing)
Time waits for no one (Folklore)
Better three hours too soon than a minute too late (Shakespeare)
Lost time is never found again (Benjamin Franklin)
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend (Theophrastus)
Time is the wisest counselor of all (Pericles)
The key is in not spending time, but in investing it (Stephen R Covey)
It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important (Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince)
Punctuality is the thief of time (Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray)
Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back (Harvey Mackay)
The trouble is, you think you have time (Jack Kornfield)
Time is a cruel thief to rob us of our former selves We lose as much to life as we do to death (Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey)
Suspect each moment, for it is a thief, tiptoeing away with more than it brings (John Updike)
Time brings all things to pass (Aeschylus)
Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them (Dion Boucicault
There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men, time (Napoleon I)
The future is uncertain but the end is always near (Jim Morrison)
Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not (Stephen King, The Green Mile)
Time is a storm in which we are all lost (William Carlos Williams)
Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind (Nathaniel Hawthorne)
You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time (Charles F. Kettering)
Regret for wasted time is more wasted time (Mason Cooley)
You can’t make up for lost time. You can only do better in the future (Ashley Ormon)
How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon (Dr. Seuss)
There’s only one thing more precious than our time and that’s who we spend it on (Leo Christopher)
If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of (Bruce Lee)
Time is what we want most, but what we use worst (William Penn
The way we spend our time defines who we are (Jonathan Estrin)
Time slips away like grains of sand never to return again (Robin Sharma)
Time spent with cats is never wasted (Colette)
A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life (Charles Darwin)
The time I kill is killing me (Mason Cooley)
Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its brevity (Jean De La Bruyere)
Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing (Thomas Jefferson)
There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want (Bill Watterson)
It’s not that we have little time but more that we waste a good deal of it
Either you run the day, or the day runs you (Jim Rohn)
Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life (Steve Jobs)
Change your 24 hours and you will change your life ( Eric Thomas)
They are always saying time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself (Andy Warhol)
All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us (J.R.R. Tolkien)
The time for action is now. It’s never too late to do something (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch (John F. Kennedy)
If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves (Maria Edgeworth)
Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present (Bill Keane)
The common man is not concerned about the passage of time, the man of talent is driven by it (Shoppenhauer)
There are two days in my calendar: This day and that Day (Martin Luther)
We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right (Nelson Mendela)
Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change (Thomas Hardy)
Time is an illusion (Albert Einstein)
The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is (C.S. Lewis)
We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they’re called memories. Some take us forward, they’re called dreams (Jeremy Irons)
Old time, that greatest and longest established spinner of all! His factory is a secret place, his work is noiseless, and his hands are mutes (Charles Dickens)
It’s a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up (J.K. Rowling)
If time travel is possible, where are the tourists from the future? (Stephen Hawking)
Time is the longest distance between two places (Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie)

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FANCY NANCY

BOGNETTA: Hello, Hello Nancy? How are you?

NANCY: Oh, I’m just wonderful, Dear. What’s new with you?

BOGNETTA: Not much. I still swim in Lahaina and live at the Bungalow

NANCY: What’s that? Did I hear you right? You say you’re swimming in a Heinie and living in a Bung Hole?

BOGNETTA: No, No Nancy. Nothing like that. Say, have you had your hearing checked lately?

NANCY: No Honey, why do you ask?

BOGNETTA: Well, it sounds like you’ve gotta clean the shit out of your ears.

NANCY: What’s that? You takin’ it in the rears?

BOGNETTA: No, but funny you should say that. My rent is in arrears.

NANCY: Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that, Dear. Say, how’s the sun? I hear it’s wicked.

BOGNETTA: Well, considering how my Ex tried to put me thru hell with the divorce, I tried to find an alternative place that would be as hot.

NANCY: Okay, now that’s just about all I can take, Missy! First you tell me you’re swimming in a Heinie. Then you tell me you live in a Bung Hole. You tell me I should clean the shit out of my ears. (Oh-well, I know they get dirty from time to time, but still…it’s not very nice)

(NOT IN MUSIC) Finally, you say you’ve gone thru hell, but you’re in Hawaii, which is Paradise and Heaven. Anything else?

BOGNETTA: Good Grief!!!

NANCY: What’s that? You wanna make this brief? OKAY! I’m hanging up now! Good Bye!

 

 

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Booger Story

Once upon a time there was a booger. The booger was green and his name was SLIMY. Now SLIMY lived in a cave that had two openings. The openings were very peculiar – for they had long, wiry protrusions attached. They resembled hair. Maybe the hair was there to keep SLIMY from wandering out or maybe they were there to keep things from entering the cave. Because, after all, boogers have been well-known the world over to be a delicacy for the younger inhabitants. SLIMY had to be careful about where he wandered in the cave because some areas were more slippery and elastic than others. If he wasn’t careful, he may get himself transported on a big, white magic carpet called a Kleenex. The Kleenex would come around occasionally to wipe out all the slippery slopes of the mountain.

Another thing SLIMY had to be wary of was extreme reactions within the mountain. It is unclear what causes the extreme shaking and disturbances within the mountain, but whenever it happened, some of SLIMY’s relatives ended up getting thrown out of the mountain through the cave openings. Their bodies always got splattered all over things. One time SLIMY’s Uncle SNOT got splattered all over a television screen! It was his favorite pastime, however, so every one of the other green relatives just stood around in awe thinking…What a way to BLOW!!!

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Shooting Blanks

This piece of paper was once pristine

This dibit of parchment now is a dream

Had to fold it like origami

Had to spike it with Kawasaki

Had to write on it, spit on it

Had to swear and crumple it up

This piece of paper was once pristine

This dibit of parchment now is a dream

Had to sprinkle it with glam & glitter

Had to put up with assholes claiming it litter

Had to spray it with gold perfume

Had to give it something to eat…legumes

This piece of paper was once pristine

This dibit of parchment now is a dream

Had to endure rainstorms wet & sad

Had to walk through mud looking bad

Had to eat dinner straight from a can

Had to come to conclusion & deviate the plan

This piece of paper was once pristine

This dibit of parchment now is a dream

Had to present itself as honky white

Had to bend low if it wasn’t so light

Had been painted green with dead presidents

Had to put up with prejudice

This piece of paper was once pristine

This dibit of parchment now is a dream

Had to endure all the crooks

Had to stick a finger in dike to avoid the brook

Had to get squeezed like juice

Had to watch that movie Footloose

This piece of paper was once pristine

This dibit of parchment now is a dream

Had to stomp on it a few times

Had to march while keeping time

Had to declare its territory

Had to protest the observatory

This piece of paper was once pristine

This dibit of parchment now is a dream

Had to serve as kindling for a fire

Had to dress dolls to get admired

Had to consist of Reed, not Rawls

Had it skipped to my Lou…it falls

This piece of paper was once pristine

This dibit of parchment now is a dream

Had to get cut into snowflakes

Had to somehow compensate

Had to become graffiti or confetti

Had to endure palms sweaty

But all in all, this piece of paper is still pristine

And this dibit of parchment is everyone’s dream

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Anyways

Are you a coward if you run?

Are you brave if you stay?

What are with these questions? (ANYWAYS)

You tear me from my work

And demand that I just play

Either way I think it gets done (ANYWAYS)

Absolutely automatic without thought

Instantly the passions what I fought

It isn’t about you or me (ANYWAYS)

The pain reminds me I’m alive

The drama inside of me drives

All forces collide, I subside (ANYWAYS)

Was something else supposed to happen?

Violence, bloodshed, or derogatory language?

Is that precisely what you’d expect? (ANYWAYS)

Pressing on, I Carrey on

Because the machine still runs

Do you hear the motor purr? (ANYWAYS)

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Polly’s Ticks

Polly’s ticks are everywhere

Invading space & time

What can we, should we do with them

But suck a big, green lime

Light is shining bright above

It scorches left too long

If only we could dance

To that old, recurring song

Exterminate? That’s only hate

Or squish them one by one?

They’ll just come back a’ crawling

Looking for a little fun!

 

 

 

 

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